She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
