just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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