So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize