You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
