we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
