i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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