At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
