Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
