He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I could fuck to npr.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
