It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
