Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
