so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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