So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
