ugly people sure do ruin things
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
