u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
