I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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