yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
