we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
