i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
