so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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