I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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