im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
