the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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