did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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