I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
