Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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