If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
