she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
