My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
