how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize