dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
