come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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