Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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