I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
