saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
