She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
