What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
