did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
