You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
