Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
