I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
