WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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