It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
