Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
