I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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