is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
