Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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