I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
