Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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