don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
