508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
