I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize