We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
