god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
