dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
