I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
