Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
