so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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