glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
