Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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