Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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