I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
