How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
