I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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