I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
