I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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