I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
