I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
