even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
