As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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